Loving Without Attachment

My partner is pondering what loving without attachment could be like. He is seeing all the subtle ways that we are attached to the people in our lives. 

Sometimes it appears as aversion to their behavior, wanting them to be a certain way so that our own sense of peaceful life can be maintained. Sometimes the attachment is blatantly obvious as one travels away and leaves a seeming void for us.

This past week I have travelled away from my partner and as often happens it affords time for reflection and contemplation. Just before I returned I put out a quest in my mind - "show me how to love". I find whenever I put out an intent like this I will quickly be given my answer/s.

Within the first 24 hours of my return home I was shown several views of how we're given such small opportunities to demonstrate loving in the course of each day. I saw how we can 'retaliate' against another's needs, instead of being at peace with them.

My partner was probing again this morning this 'big' question of how can we love without attachment? It seemed to be such a big picture thing and he was  communicating that it felt it could take him some time to realize this goal.

I realized right then that the answer is a moment by moment awareness - how can I be loving in this moment? Am I attached to my own comfort in this moment such that another person will have lesser peace? 

The question of "how can I love without attachment?" was no longer just attachment to the other person being released. It was obvious the real question was simply "how can I be loving?" At the root of loving with attachment was only one fundamental attachment - the desire for our own sense of comfort/ safety / security.

It was no longer this big project in life to learn to love without attachment. It was now a moment by moment 'bite size chunks' of learning how to love this moment, full stop! And repeating that in each successive moment of our days.

I realised recently the meaning of a biblical statement which says that we need to pray unceasingly. It means that we need to be unceasingly present with the divinity in each moment of our lives. 

Except for a few realized beings, the majority of us sail through our days totally oblivious to the beauty, connection, love, peace that is present moment by moment in our life. Instead we see our life as these huge chunks of activity, e.g. For 8 hours I'm doing my job at work. We totally miss the nuances in the people around us, the opportunities to just BE in the loving presence with our work or the people we work with. 

Our work becomes a daily repetition of every other day's activity, instead of giving our full attention to each and every task we do in the course of our day and ensuring that each one has our full presence and love in it.

So it seems loving without attachment is loving without attachment to the previous moment/s - being fully present in each and every moment, experiencing its brand newness, it's uniqueness, delighting in it and being totally open to it without fear.

To the extent that we are able to see each moment as brand new, will be the extent of the love we experience and emanate.

How to Take Back Control of Your Mind Chatter

I want to share a very simple technique which you can use on the run, wherever you are in life. The technique will help you to control the habit of negative mind chatter about what has happened in your life previously. If you've had some struggles in your life (and who hasn't?), then you probably find yourself occasionally regurgitating those old problems, e.g. relationship dramas, financial losses, health issues, etc.

So, here's the technique:
Every time you catch yourself thinking or speaking about something that has happened to you in the past which caused you pain, loss or suffering; IMMEDIATELY in your mind see the statement you're making about your life and draw a big red cross through that statement. Now, say to yourself, "That's not my reality anymore. This is my reality." Then state what new reality you would like to experience instead of this bad memory.

If you had a terrible divorce for example, your new reality statement could be "I always experience peace, harmony and joy in my life. My life is filled with loving people, and I live a fulfilling happy life now!"

If you had a financial loss, your new reality statement could be "When one door closes, another better one opens for me. I am always being drawn to experience more abundant life. I give thanks that greater things are happening for me now - greater peace, relationships, health, fulfillment and wealth."

These are just a couple of examples. The basic idea of this method is to stop your uncontrolled mind talk, and to start taking back control of what thoughts you are continually feeding into the field of all possibilities.

Remember, what thoughts you continually entertain in your mind, WILL become form in your life. This process will help you to regain possession of your mind and give you the power to CHOOSE moment by moment what thoughts are allowed to occupy it.

I used this process many years ago after going through 2 years of one life crisis after another. I realized that all I could talk about was my past problems. So, guess what I kept getting in my life? MORE PROBLEMS! Within a couple of months of doing this process every day in my mind, catching myself each time I ran the old stories, my life returned to peace. I stopped attracting problems to myself through the magnetic energy of my thoughts.



For anyone who is wanting ongoing support to change your life with personal coaching, we offer a 3 month coaching program, a 6 month coaching program, a 2 Day Change Your Life Program (with 1 month follow up coaching) and weekly group webinars .